Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Come share oat with me in your robe
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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