Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
