Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
