I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
