True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
