the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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