I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
