I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
