i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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