I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
