Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
