I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
