I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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