bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
