Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
