oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
