Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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