Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
