you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
