how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
