cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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