Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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