Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
