Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
