there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My balls are so social today.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
