I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If I die, sorry about rent.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
