when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
