he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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