im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
