I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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