I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
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