omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
