walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
