you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
