Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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