I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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