Taylor Swift is so right about you.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
