Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
