reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
