she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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