So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
