just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
