These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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