I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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