I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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