dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
