i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
this beer tastes like vomit already
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
