so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
