let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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