the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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